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[ website | Eon Oasis ]
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(no subject) [Sep. 8th, 2006|01:08 pm]
Y'know, I think I might start posting here again, cept on that other LJ I made. Username is DerettoEevee. so ya. xP
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im done [Jun. 15th, 2006|12:02 pm]
[mood |crusheddeadish]

you know what fuck it i give up im threw with dealing with every ones bullshit
when i first came on to this online world i remeber meationing to the friends that i made that most of my old firends dicthed me after making just one mistake
i remeber them saying thay would never do that me most of them are a buch of fucking liars heck i did not even do anythign wronge this time. take tage for account you all saw that bullshit fight we had in april

look at this bull shit hear see how he continues to lie off about me and here i go thinking i can be a better person and see if he wanted to come back to my forms but no check out his bullshit answer hes not the only one. as im sure all of you bastereds allready assumed jolty has broken up with me again and when i asked her why she left i dont care what happins theres no excuse for that all this time iv been treating alot of people with the goodness of my heart but i love how im getting constanly back stabed. I gave up so much for her,I spent and entire year scavanging money to buy the perfict gift for her b_day this year i went great lenghts to have this made last year for valentines day http://www.deviantart.com/view/15097793/ .I even reminded all her online firends to make her a b-day gift this year weeks in advanced she would allways complaine to me that we dident talk enough and everytime i would try harder to find new ways to be in contact with her this incudles wakeing up at around 4am in the moring sneekign the computer behind my parents back talkign to her when i should have been paying attion in my computer class. I even remeber dicthing my last period class because she was in trouble. Of corse all this means nothing to her she allways talks about how it was so hard for her not to love adam anymore tho she dosent seem to have a problem not loving me any more. I bet some of you bastereds are even laughing at me right now every time she would post that no one likes her or no ones loves her or even somthing about adam none of you would ever type saying that i love her. i scarficed so much for her my life is in ruins now because of her my famaly hates me i have to go to summer school i wont be able to go to a uc collage even tho all my scarfices were for her it ment nothing she never gave a damm about me all she cared about this whole time was her self. she selfishly talked about likeying other men around me dispite my crys she would allways prade aroudn about it its even on the banner of her web site right now, she would never do things fully for me without complaing or tell me that she would do it later of corse when we broke up that last time she took haste replacing the banner so i was not in it. and when i asked her to fix it she said no shes just a selfish bicth that do'es what she wants when ever she wants im not suprised adam do'es not like her i dont know what i ever saw in her i just want to forget about it i want to forget it all your all a bad memory all my work ment nothing to you but sure you apprecated it at the time but the moment i became an inconveinence you all threw me away thanks a fuckin lot your all gonna be a bad memory dont try to reply im not gonna read it but for thos of you that do give a fuck im sure you will be able to find me if i have nto told you were i am at allready my life if runied now everythign i belived in about loving others with all my heart was a fucking lie it got me nowear. i allways belived that lvoing firends was the answer for everything.i knew naive i had a fealing that every one would turn on me in the end it seemed inevitabel but i chosed to belived that if my love was stronge enough none of that would happin but i was wronged i wasted my time i scraficed a whole year and a half for nothing all for nothing. I dotn know how i will be able to recover form this - thers fruckign pics of jolty and i floating everywere we even made up 3 kids. i dont know if i will every be able to trust anyone againg because i know deep down that this relitionship ending was not my fault go ahead and give me all your fucking labels : emo, sucicide , dipshit i dont care it seems thats all you people are good at, go ahead and laugh you ass'es of i bet your all happy now. thanks every one for breaking your intinal promises to me. I love you all too
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(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2006|06:06 pm]
[Current Location |School Library]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Fall Out Boy ~ Dance, Dance]

Oh, noez, the time of death!! O:

Coincidently, I had my Japanese and U.S. History final today. Both of them are my worst classes, so yeah. X_X;;;

I keep having to fight my thoughts. *smacks head* They were telling me yesterday to leave Jolty, but I fought it and instead wrote that nice PM and well, you saw her reaction on her LJ today. Though, there are about two things bothering me still at the moment- one obvious and the other not so, but I'll wait till I personally have to a chance to talk about it.

If you guys were wondering, no, I did not abandon Passive Manipulation. I already wrote the first two chapters. I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO FUCKEN TYPE IT UP FOR ME!!!! X_X

I spent this past weekend with Kiyobi cause he graduated and stuff. We had a blast, made tons of jokes. Appetizer Kiyobis anyone? xD! When we ate at Apple Bees I purposely mispronounced the names of the food. Jalapenos (jah-lah-peh-noez) anyone? XD! Yeah, his family and I had an awesome weekend.

Tomorrow I'm taking my Chemistry final, then I'm off to Shouri's house to celebrate his b-day (which was last Monday)

I ask all of you to help me out with my fucken mental self how ever you can. Don't worry though, I won't ever use my mentalness as an excuse for my behavior, meaning I will take full responsibilty for any thing I do and stuff.

Well, that's it for now.

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(no subject) [May. 30th, 2006|10:14 am]
[Current Location |School]
[mood |creativecreative]

Um, I'm like going to start writing a story for Artemis (finally). The title of the story is Passive Manipulation. I've already started writing it, so look for it later. O:

I'll do my best not to back out on this.
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Herro :3 [May. 24th, 2006|10:19 am]
[Current Location |School Computer Class]
[mood |lovedloved]

Now, if you guys are wondering wtf is my status with Jolty is seemingly at its best now, and it seems as if the fighting is over. We're still mates so yeah. As far as what she's going to do about talking about Orange, well that's up to her. I just wanted her to realize that I wasn't just being mean and that she really was hurting me. Now that she knows that, wether she continues to do so or not is up to her. Either way, I'm still her mate.

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Emo entry [May. 22nd, 2006|03:37 pm]
[Current Location |School Library]
[mood |blank=|]
[music |Sweet Dreams ~ Eurouphics(sp?)]

Heh, well, as you can probably tell, Rebecca is mad at me again. Just clear things up so you don't start thinking I did something else. I was person 2, I do not tell Jolty to not talk to others or even to not think about others. I simply just asked her to stop talking about Adam in a "heart" way. Is that so bad? There's nothing wrong with that, no? Am I not supposed to talk to my mate about problems that I see, or am I doomed to just sitting by anything I don't like?

My mind is now telling me that Rebecca no longer cares about how I feel cause she keeps doing things that she knows hurts me a lot just because she can. She even kept giving me sarcastic attitude all day, and even told me in a sarcastic way that she wasn't going to stop.

Is it even possible to love someone wit a third of your heart? I know all the people I love and care for (wether it be a mate or friends) is with all my heart. That's not to say I treat them the same as Rebecca cause I love her with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

I'm doing my best here, my mind keeps telling me that I should just give up and die, but my heart keeps telling me to live on. I don't think a I deserve the treatment I've been receiving from her, but no matter- I'll keep loving just the same if not more.

I'm to lazy to type up the convo I had with myself (I wrote it down). But basically "it" was trying to convince me that Rebecca no longer cared about me, course I convinced myself that I did. I don't have two minds in my head, I just like to talk to myself, that's all.

Have I done anything wrong? Please if someone could tell me that I deserve what has been done to me then speak out now! I personally don't think I did anything wrong by asking Jolty to stop talking about other males in a "heart" way. I should be allowed to speak about problems to Jolty, no? It's not like I tell her how to react to every situation. And I hate bringing this out here to the open but I feel as if now I must.

I know Jolty was just mad at me, and maybe she didn't mean what she said. Either way, I'm going to go back to my old self. I'm just going to accept everything for what it is and try to no longer start fights. Opening my mouth has so far caused my mate to be extremely pissed off at me constantly, to lose a friend, and getting kicked out of my house. My mind is telling me to rid myself as we speak, but I'm not listening to it at the moment.

Please, someone, tell me what I can do to be a better mate. I'm honestly trying my best....
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2006|06:52 pm]
[Current Location |Kiyobi's House]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Dani California ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers]

hey everyone, i know I said I'd tell you everything that's happen but I'm too lazy for details

May~9 I got into a fight with parents, I broke shit, got kicked out of house

may~10 My birthday, went to go see MI3, got 3 drawings online (2 from Jolty), and that's it

May~11 Jolty and I break up, again, again and I move into my sister Connie's house

may~12 I came really close to stabbing my left arm (probably would've permanently disabled it) after being rejected by my brother, Steven

May~13 I FUCKEN WENT TO THE KROQ WEENIE ROAST! I LOVE YOU PAULINE (my sis)! I got to see Rock Kills Kid, The Academy Is..., Matchbook Romance, Wolfmother, Atreyu, HIM, Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley, Taking Back Sunday, Panic! at the Disco, She Wants Revenge, Dashboard Confessional, Rob Zombie, Angels & Airways, AFI, Matisyahu, and Red Hot Chili Peppers all in one day at the same place!!!! FUCKEN BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!!!!!!!! (sure glad I didn't stab myself o.o;)

May~14 Mothers day: ate out, talked with family, yada yada yada

May 15~16 I got to see how I was slowly dissapearing from Jolty's mind as she quickly moved on while I was being left in the dirt.

May 17 Jolty and I get back together and now we're slowly making repairs to everything that's been done, and we've found even more very good reasons to love eachother. (I know this sounds really cheesy and stupid but I'm to lazy to explain how this happend to NYAH!)

So yeah, everything seems to be going well now. *giggles* I'm really glad I didn't stab myself
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(no subject) [May. 11th, 2006|10:42 am]
[mood |blankblank]

well, I'm 17 now O:

I got 2 lovely gifts from Jolty! Thank you so much *huggles*

I also got a cute banner from Sab.

...and from what I hear there's more to come online

I ended up getting no gifts offline due to circumstances I'll later discuss.
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(no subject) [May. 8th, 2006|11:33 am]
[Current Location |school]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |I Write Sins Not Tragedies ~ Panic at The Disco]

2 days till my day. From what I hear, I'm going to be burried with gifts online- at least I hope I will. o.o;;;

I got into another fight with my dad yesterday, didn't go so well. Wasn't to smart of me considering my b-day is this week. oh well, *sighs*

I've been listening to this song a lot lately. I recommend it, cept for the fact that it says god damn a lot (it's like, part of the courus). I still like it none-the-less

I Write Sins Not Tragedies ~ Panic at The DiscoCollapse )

So yeah, check out the music video if you can, it pwns!
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(no subject) [May. 4th, 2006|09:06 am]
[music |I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor ~ Arctic Monkies]

MWHEE!!! 7 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, actually that was yesterday... So I'm a bit late. *shoot me* <.<;;
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